call me stupid but yes I am!

actually this post I've writen since 2 weeks ago. it's still relating with previous posts, about bustles. HAHAHA. (no other topic?) haemm whatever! i've warned you, this is my SCATTERED notions, so just enjoy drowned in my scattered trashy notions.


saturday. 12 March 2011.

Today I met with some people from kemenlu to talk bout PMUN preparation.Despite all the preparations, they are really nice persons to chat with, to laugh together, and to put their knowledges and experiences into my empty brain. I really adore them (mbak Gadis, Mbak Ika, and Mbak Nisa- on how they work in kemenlu.

Mostly we were talking bout life in kemenlu, from the silliest until the most painful stories. Mbak Gadis told us that working in kemenlu doesnt necessarily mean u have a good life. If you wanna devote your life to the people of Indonesia, you can apply to work there, but if you wanna work to pursue high income, just be enteurpreneur!

Then I looked into myself. Actually I havent decided clearly where I want to work after graduate. I'm kind of persons who really banyak maunya. and obviously working in kemenlu is in my list.
When Mbak Gadis stated that, I dont know why I wasn't deterred at all.

and I recollect my memories during my life. I'm kind of person who enjoy working in organizations, although some people said that I'm too stupid to squander my life for organization thingy than pursuing happiness for my life.
For many times, I should sacrifice my having fun and family gathering time for these things. I prioritized communal interests than my self interest (until sometimes I think, I'm too influenced by PPKN lesson during my elementary time in responsibility chapter)
When I sort my past experiences out, I conclude that yes, I am that kind of persons. person who think bout people first, than me. Okay call me stupid (it's okay some people call me so)

When I observes more about my deep feeling, I did that not because for attaining certain positions or acknowledgements, but I did it because I have a sense of belonging with what I wanna do.

I'm not such a fervent-idealist, so why the hell i'm so into to sacrifice my time to the goods of others? Dont ask me the rational explanation coz even i dont know. I became the head committee of some events because I have sense of belonging with my schools and university. I wanna foster their developments.
for example, why I wanna be the chairman of PMUN, it's because I wanna invigorate IREC and furthermore coz I wanna foster the education and consciousness of young high schooler to see the world from other perspectives. not only from mall to mall and BBing, Jco-ing, and sushi-ing (naon deui, cing? haha) But I wanna see them be more critical and widen their knowledges about world's problems.

I have that such dream because I have sense of belonging with Indonesia where I was born and growing *although I'm not indigenious*
this sense is so clingin on me. whenever I go abroad, I'm glad but I still miss Indonesia. the feeling is same like when I still miss my home, where my mom likes to be angry everyday for unimportant things and where I cant wake up at 11 am, although I have freedom in Bandung.

The feeling is same like when you sacrifice ur time after school and ur throat to yell and support ur school's or national football team. You do ur best efforts when you fall in love, when you get the sense!

The point is I should get that sense first before I accept responsibility. I take a look at organization that does not successfully nurture any kind of sense inside myself, I will be such dismissive bitch.